


This Isn't A Gift

by RPGwrites



Series: Magic, Gifts, and Curses [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Bad father-daughter relationship, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Dragon Age: Inquisition
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:02:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25608592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RPGwrites/pseuds/RPGwrites
Summary: Ellana Trevelyan is different, daughter of a noble house, but she’s not snobbish, constantly choosing to see the good in others. Her life took a sharp turn when a friend was in danger. Her blood holds more than nobility, it holds magic. Meeting new people, learning to master the power within herself, how long can she hides the truth from the world?
Relationships: Female Trevelyan & Original Characters
Series: Magic, Gifts, and Curses [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1856128
Comments: 32
Kudos: 11





	1. The Beginning Of Change

**Author's Note:**

> A big shoutout to [ Pigeon_theoneandonly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeon_theoneandonly/pseuds/Pigeon_theoneandonly) for betaing. Thank you so much for all you help!!

“Ellana, sit down.”

Her mother only used that tone when something serious had happened. And her father’s scowl told her she was right.

_ What could’ve happened? Was there a death in the family she wasn’t aware of? _

“Mother? Father? What’s happened?” Ellana sat straight at the table as she was taught. She could feel a black curl coming loose.

“Your appointment for tomorrow is cancelled.”

She frowned. It didn’t explain the seriousness or her father’s sour look. Or explain why the atmosphere wanted to strangle her. “It’s okay,” she assured her mother. “I can meet with her another day. Whatever the reason is.” The frown hadn’t left her features.

She was supposed to meet with one of her friends. But her parents made this more serious than it possibly could be. 

Her mother bit her lower lip and her parents shared a look. Every part of her wanted to tell her parents to just say it already. But it was behaviour her father wouldn’t tolerate. Her father’s hand squeezed her mother’s.

“Ivy has gone to the Circle.” It was her father that spoke. 

To the… What? That didn’t make sense? She wasn’t a mage. Why would she go to the Circle? Ellana tried to get words out but she forgot how to form them.

She understood why the atmosphere was so thick. Why her parents looked so serious. But this couldn't be happening. She just spoke to her the day before. 

“She’s a mage, darling,” her mother’s gentle voice spoke.

Ellana shook her head in disbelief. “So she’s locked up because she’s different. I can’t believe the Seymours would do this.”

It was something she never understood. Her father always said it was something she would understand when she got older. But to her, the mages were treated unfairly. She couldn’t be the only one that felt that way, right?

“Mages are dangerous,” her father began. It was a debate she had with her family time and again. “The Circle isn’t a prison. It’s a place they can learn to control it.”

“Why don’t you tell that to the mages who're locked up!” Her lips formed the words before she could stop. The way her father looked at her she knew she should keep her mouth shut. But it was impossible to do so now. “They have no freedom.”

“Good,” the head of the house said. “There they can’t hurt anyone. And you’ll do well to remember that.”

Ellana stood up and pushed her chair back hard. The sound filled the large room and the two guards that stood by the door looked at them. But she didn’t care. “Not all mages are the same.”

“Sit down!” her father’s stern voice said.

Ellana looked at her mother instead. “May I be excused?”

“You sit do-“

But her mother interrupted him. “Yes, go.”

As she walked toward the big doors she could hear her father’s disapproval. “She needs to learn. It doesn’t help you coddle her like that.”

But Ellana never heard the rest. 

That was the day she lost her best friend thanks to magic. If only she knew this was only the beginning.

Ellana tried over the next few months to send her friend letters but she couldn’t know if they would ever reach her. She had a feeling they never did, and something told her, her father had something to do with it.

* * *

The day she found out about her magic went like any other day. She planned to meet a friend at one of her favourite spots. It was something they did every week near the river. 

Ellana loved it there. The sound of the flowing water left her feeling peaceful. Like there was no worry in the world. 

But she didn’t know how horribly wrong this one would go. This peaceful spot had the opposite effect on this day. 

Ellana decided to wear her black breeches and blue tunic. She sheathed her daggers. It felt safe. It made her feel more secure. 

She enjoyed the times she did sword fighting. But she was much better with daggers. And whenever she was out of the estate, she took them with her if she could. 

Her parents weren't fond of the idea, unlike her brother. They connected over which weapons they preferred. He liked fighting with a sword and shield, and occasionally they would have debates on which techniques were better. Her brother was a couple of years older than her and had many more years of experience than she had. 

“My lady,” her personal guard greeted her. “Are you ready?”

“Yes,” she spoke clearly, “Let’s go.”

The ride over there went smoothly. And like all the other times, she admired the view from the carriage. It was the same, but yet, she never could get used to the beauty of it. The mountains were filled with green grass. Flowers of all colours were blooming.

“We’re here,” her guard said. His mind clearly hadn't wondered like hers did. He was seated opposite of her.

When she arrived at the destination everything was already set up. And she dismissed her personal guard. There was a wine red blanket on the grass with a brown basket. The smell caught her nose. Freshly baked bread filled the atmosphere. 

It wasn’t long until Alina arrived. She strolled in from the forest. Where Ellana wore her tunic and breeches, Alina wore her brown dress. It was one of her favourites. Unlike her, Alina loved wearing dresses. Her blonde hair was tied up in a bun. 

Neither of them particularly liked each other when they decided to spend time together, and it took a while before becoming friends, but this was something they did once a week. Both of them needed a break from their everyday lives. 

The guards gave them some space, something Ellana was grateful for. She needed to have private time even though she might spend that time with someone else. Both of them took a seat on the blanket. 

For a while nobody spoke. Both of them enjoyed the sound of the river. The wind blew lightly, lightly playing with her hair.

But the silence didn’t stay for long. Alina spoke about what house did what. In the end, Ellana didn’t listen. 

It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in what her friend had to say overall. Hearing what House did what was something she heard all the time. She wanted time away from that. Ellana appreciated talking with her friend but was bored with this topic. 

When Alina cleared her throat she knew she missed a question. Her bright blue eyes stared at hers questioningly.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “What did you say?”

Alina shook her head. “Nevermind. Sometimes I forget you don’t care about all of this.” She turned her head to the side pondering if she should say what was in her mind. “There was another mage.”

That picked her interest. It was one of the things that they both agreed upon. Neither of them thought they should be locked up. 

“How old?”

“He was seven.”

It was usually kids that were caught. Sometimes it was around her age. They never knew they had these powers. Then something would happen. Usually the family would be scared and call the Templars.

It wasn’t that Ellana didn’t understand the fear. She did. But to her, these people were locking their children up. _ If magic was a gift why was it handled as a curse? Shouldn’t these people try to help them? _

“Damn.” Hearing about those cases was never good. It was always tragic. The wind picked up and the atmosphere changed, almost as if it caught onto her mood. “How did you hear?”

“Friend of my father’s son,” Alina answered. “He screamed when they dragged him away.”

_ What seven-year old wouldn’t? _

“You want lunch?” If Ellana had to talk more about this she would only get more furious. The sad part was she couldn’t do anything. Apart from Alina, nobody else agreed. 

They called her naive. Trusting people too much, especially the mages. But in reality she only saw the world differently than them.  _ Why couldn’t they see it? Were people so blinded by fear? _

It had to be fear. What else? The possibility of a mage could be dangerous was not a good enough reason for locking them up. And if it was a different reason, then what?

“Sure.” Alina immediately got to work. Set the freshly baked bread on the plates. Either she was hungry, or felt the change in the atmosphere.

After both of them finished eating they walked down to the river. Sometimes Ellana wished they didn’t have to go back. Everything was pretend and fake to her. Many people manipulated each other. 

Even her mother didn’t always agree with her father. She’d seen the hesitation in her expression many times before. The way her expression changed and eyes blinked faster. She wanted to say something, and when she tried, her father stopped her. 

But that’s how things always were. It was her father’s way or no way. No one dared to speak against him. Not even Ellana. Or at least, not really. She couldn’t say why though. 

“Was he always like this?” she asked her brother once. 

“Like what?”

“ _ This _ ,” she said as if that explained it all. 

Aldwin just shrugged, “He grew up in a different world than us.”

But that didn’t excuse it. Even her brother felt it was unwise to speak to him. 

Aldwin would soon need to marry someone again and it won’t be for love. It would be for status. Coin. It would be someone who could benefit the Trevelyan name. 

She hated how her mother usually didn’t stand up to him. Saying that she disagreed with his views, even when dealing with the guards and servants. Not that he mistreated them, but there were times others disagreed when he blamed things on them. 

A sound ripped her from her thoughts. She couldn’t be sure what it was. Where the river flowed and there was a peaceful atmosphere something drastically changed.

It was colder, the woods felt unfriendly. As if something bad was about to happen. 

It might be all in her head except…

When she looked behind them she realized the guards were gone. They gave them some distance but they were always near enough to be seen. Something was wrong. 

She heard something again. Something awfully close to someone stepping on some branches and leaves. 

Ellana stopped and Alina with her. 

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“I think we should go back.” Her hand waivered where her right dagger was, ready to remove it if necessary. “The guards have disappeared.”

Ellana’s words sounded more dreadful than it probably was. It wasn’t as if they were missing in action, but it wasn’t like them to disappear like this, either. 

Alina didn’t move a muscle. She searched her expression carefully, deciding what to do. Anybody else would tell her she was paranoid. That perhaps the guards just stepped down for a bit. Or that them not being there doesn’t mean something bad happened. But by this time she knew her too well. “Alright,” she said, softly, slowly. She placed a string of blonde hair behind her ear. “Let's go.”

Ellana could never say what happened. But suddenly she felt something cold against her throat. She didn’t know what it was until her eyes settled on a blade. “Not so fast.”

She couldn’t place the accent. Even if she recognized where it was from, her mind worked overtime. Wondering what she should do.

When her eyes settled on Alina she realized she was in the same predicament. She was right. But she really wished she wasn’t in this situation. 

What was best? Should she take the risk and go for her daggers? She could but she was never in a situation like this. And chances were their foes were better fighters than her. They also have years of experience on her. 

Besides, she knew for a fact Alina wasn’t armed. Even by some impossible chance she could defend herself and defeat her foe, she woudn’t have enough time to defeat Alina’s. And that would result in her being in danger thanks to Ellana. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” the one nearest to her throat said. Then he took a few steps back as if giving her some space. It was the first opportunity to see him clearly.

He was an elf and had dark hair. Her eyes swiftly moved to Alina’s foe. He was a human with red hair and green eyes. Ellana always thought people with green eyes were kind but neither of them had kindness in their eyes. 

“Drop your weapons,” the human ordered. His voice was strong, his order demanded to be obeyed. 

“I… I don’t have any weapons on me,” Alina said. She was scared, anyone could hear it in her voice. That’s when Ellana realized she wasn’t the only one that didn’t see a way out. 

“Not you,” the elf sneered. “Her.” His eyes never left Ellana’s.

How could they possibly know that? She frowned. Whatever this was, it was so much more complicated than a simple robbery. 

Alina looked questionly at her. Then her expression changed completely, beginning to do as they were told. She took a deep breath and nodded, “Alright.” Her shaky hands went slowly to get her daggers out. But before she could reach them the elf went closer with his blade again. 

“Don’t think to try any funny business.” His voice didn’t demand to be obeyed like his friend’s, but she would do it anyway. 

“I’m just getting my daggers out.” She touched the handles. Where the feeling of her daggers always brought relief, this time it had the opposite effect. 

“Drop it,” the human said. His blade never left Alina’s direction. 

She dropped her daggers next to her feet. Seeing the silver steel falling to the bright green grass. But neither of their enemies made any movement to pick them up. She wasn’t sure if that was good or bad. 

“Good,” the human said. “Now you,” he pointed to Alina, “You’ll come with me. You,” he pointed towards Ellana, “will stay with my friend.”

Her mind worked overtime. She couldn’t let them take Alina. There must be something she could do.  _ Anything. _ Fear seeped through the cracks, but before she could say anything her friend spoke. “No...no, I can give you coin. You don’t  _ have _ to do this. 

He only smiled in response but it did not match his voice. “My employer would be very unhappy if I turned up empty handed. And she isn’t someone you want to disappoint.” He played with the blade in his hand. She couldn’t be sure why, but something of the way he said that unsettled her. It made Ellana uncomfortable. 

It was now or never. The only thing she had at her disposal was her words. And she couldn’t trust it would be enough. But she had to try. She clenched her fists hard and unclenched them as if that would give her the courage she desperately needed. 

“No.” She hoped her voice didn't sound as weak and frail as it did to her ears. “You’re not taking her.”

“Are you going to stop us?” the elf crossed his arms across his chest. Both of their opponents had a fat smirk on their lips. “Oh, I’d love to see you try.”

What was she going to do? She had nothing.  _ Nothing! _ She forgot all the tricks her brother taught her. Her mind was empty. Her brain didn’t want to work. 

_ Come on. Think dammit. Think! _

All of the sudden her world slowed down. All eyes were on her and she couldn’t read any of their expressions. Even Alina. Then she felt something warm, something too hot on her hand. When she looked down, she saw she had a ball of fire in her hand. 

Surely she must’ve imagined it. There was no way she’d be able to do that. It was impossible. It had to be!

She took a step back. “What-”

“Ellana!” Someone shouted her name. Someone familiar, oddly familiar, was talking to her. When she looked her brother was there, steel in hand. Some woman she never saw before was there as well. She had brown breeches and a dark green tunic that matched her eyes. “Get out of the way.”

It was all she needed. She moved fast. Grabbing Alina, they moved. When she could look back, blade against blade fought each other. 

But Alina only went so far. She had fear in her dark brown eyes. And this time it wasn’t directed at their enemies. “What did you just…”

She couldn’t even say it. They all saw what happened. A million thoughts were running around in her head. Her heart was beating fast, too fast. No words seemed good enough. “Not now.”

Ellana didn’t know what happened. Everything was moving too fast for her to process. She wasn’t sure how their enemies were defeated or if she even helped, but suddenly she talked to Alina and the next moment she was next to her brother. Staring at the two dead bodies that once were their foes. 

“Ellana.” Her brother grabbed her wrists, forcing her to look at him. “Are you alright?”

_ No, I’m not!  _ She wanted to scream. 

What did this mean? Did she actually do that? Did she have a fireball in her hand? Was she a mage? And why were the men after Alina? 

For the second time in a short time her words failed her. 

The woman must’ve realized because she spoke. “I’ll take her.” Her head went towards where Alina was. “You, take your sister.”

He loosened his grip and turned to the woman. “Marsilia, she saw it.”

That’s when she realized her brother saw the fireball too. She and her brother were very close. But he would never go against their father. He would turn her in and…

“No.” Ellana’s voice was firm this time. “You’re not going to give me to the Circle. I’m not going!” She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life in a prison. Being away from everyone she held dear. 

He looked hurt. As if her words struck him across the face. “I’m not going to do that,” he said softly.

For the first time in her life she didn’t trust her brother’s words. “You’re lying.”

“Aldwin,” Marsilia touched his arm softly, tenderly. “Let me handle this. You know I can.”

Ellana looked questionly at them both.  _ What was going on? _

Marsilia turned to her. “He won’t turn you in. Because,” her gaze went back to Aldwin, a smile appeared on her lips.  _ Were they in love?  _ “He won’t turn me in.”

_ What? Turn her in for what? _

Then suddenly a fireball was in her hand. Ellana stared and stared. It was stronger and burned brighter than hers did. She had to be sure she didn’t imagine it. Suddenly it disappeared. 

“Are you sure you know what to do?” Aldwin asked before Ellana could say anything.

“You know this isn’t the first time something like this happened. Don’t worry about it,” Marsilia said and squeezed his hand. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Alina didn’t say a word. She still looked afraid, and went with Marsilia without uttering a word. 

When she and her brother were alone neither of them said anything for a while. Then she said the one thing she could say out loud. 

“I can’t be a mage.”

* * *

“Father will kill me.”

“He won’t kill you.” Aldwin laughed but she only gave him a stern look. She didn’t think it was funny. 

“This is serious.”

Then she began to pace. This was bad, really bad. Even Alina looked at her as if she murdered someone before her eyes. And she was someone who didn’t believe mages were bad people.

This was a part of who she was. How could she hide it from the world? But it was either that or go to the Circle. 

“Look,” her brother started to say, “it’ll be okay.”

His words made her stop. “I would’ve said that too if my ass wasn’t on the line.”

But he only sighed. He sounded miserable. “Others did it, so could you.”

She cocked her head to the side, “Others? You mean other than Marsilia?”

Suddenly it felt like her brother’s life was a lie. He had this other side of him. She was thankful that he helped out mages, but why didn’t he tell her? Didn’t he trust her?

“There’s a lot on the line. It will be better to show you.” She never heard her brother being so secretive. “But you  _ need  _ to trust me.”

This had to be some kind of nightmare. How could one day be so good and turn out so badly? 

She always knew she could trust her brother with anything, but this? It was her life on the line. There was so much at stake here. 

But what choice did she have? 

“Alright. We’ll do it your way.”

* * *

In the carriage Ellana asked her brother random questions. One by one her fears caught up to her and they demanded answers. 

“What if I burn the estate down?”

Her brother blinked at her. Once. Twice. And then started laughing really loud. 

Ellana only crossed her arms across her chest and quirked one eyebrow to get his attention. 

“That won’t happen,” he said.

“You don't know that.” If Ellana used magic without her knowledge, who knew what could happen? Could she even control it? She didn’t trust herself. 

“I do.” This time he said it more confidently. “You’ll learn to control it.”

She didn’t hear the how though. But she decided not to push it. Then something else popped into her head. “Why did you come today? You came at just the right time.”

Another sigh. She was diving into waters he didn’t want her to. “It’s better that you don’t know.” 

“What is it?” she questioned. 

“Alina’s father made some enemies along the way,” her brother started. 

Ellana was starting to catch on. “But those men were hired. The employer is still alive.” She was silent for a moment thinking things through. “What type of enemies? Did he do bad business? Does he owe coin to people?”

“Ellana, just leave it. It’s handled.” Everything in his voice told her he didn’t want to reveal the truth. “Your job is to make sure no one finds out about your magic.”

She sank into her seat deeper as if his words struck something. “Alina knows.”

Her brother led out another sigh but this time it was longer and louder. “She doesn’t know what she saw. She’s in shock.”

She didn’t like that idea at all. Pretending someone didn’t see what happened wasn’t something she wanted to do. Besides, it didn’t seem like the best plan. 

“I don’t like it,” she shook her head. It seemed to avoid the inevitable. She would tell someone. And someone would believe her. “I don’t want to tell her she’s a liar. She isn’t. We all know what I did. I don’t want to lie.”

“You don’t have much of a choice.”

She only stared at her brother, not sure what to say. What could she say? It was her mess and here her brother was trying to help clean it up. She should be thankful…

“Look,’ her brother said when the carriage finally stopped, “We’ll talk about this later. Just pretend nothing happened. The only thing that happened today was those two mercenaries. Nothing else. You’re not a mage. Remember that.”

She could do this, right? Nothing happened. 

_ I am Ellana Trevelyan and I can’t cast spells. _ The lie should be easy enough. 

_ Don’t blow this Ellana. Don’t blow it.  _


	2. Hiding My Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to [ Pigeon_theoneandonly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeon_theoneandonly/pseuds/Pigeon_theoneandonly) for betaing. Thank you so much for all you help!!

“Ellana.” Her mother cupped her face, “Are you alright?”

Her heart began to beat faster and faster.

_No. They can’t know._

“Have you taken care of those mercenaries?” her father asked. She only guessed that the question was directed towards Aldwin.

She pulled away from her mother and looked towards her father. They knew about the ambush? Did they know why though? She didn’t even know. Not really.

“Yes father,” the obedient son answered. 

“Good.” Then he looked at her. "Your mother asked you a question, young lady."

It was impossible to guess his tone. She pulled herself straight and looked at her mother. "Sorry. I'm fine. It was just a long day." It wasn't a lie. It was one of the longest days she had in her life. 

"You should get some rest," her mother suggested. 

“Why are you wearing those clothes?" her father questioned. “You’re not in proper clothing. You’re pulling the Trevelyan name into the mud.”

_It's because I'm not wearing a dress._

"I wanted to wear something comfortable." 

It was no secret that she hated dresses. But it was never a good enough reason. Her father didn’t like it when she wore tunics and breeches. 

"This is not how we raised you." Each of her father's words dripped with disapproval. Ellana was just thankful he didn't say anything else. 

This wasn’t the first time and it would surely not be the last time. She didn’t see the necessity of wearing a dress when she spent time in the woods. 

Her mother threw him a look, but she doubted it would do a thing. Which is why she was thankful when her brother spoke.

“You should get changed,” he suggested. When she looked down she realized how dirty her clothes looked. They were full of dirt and grime. And something else was missing as well. 

_Oh no._

Ellana thought she felt lighter, but she didn’t know why until now. She never went and got her daggers back. She wasn’t sure where they were. Did she even fight? Her memory was a bit foggy. Her daggers waited for some thief to make use of them. If her father found out she took them with her he wouldn’t be happy. And she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get new ones. 

Maybe she would? After all, she needed to train. But the doubts crept in nonetheless. 

“That’s an excellent idea,” her mother agreed. “Take a bath and change clothes. Come and meet us for supper.”

“Yes, mother.”

* * *

It took a while for the servants to boil the water. At that time she was glad to be in her room. She was exhausted. Beyond exhausted, really. But yet she didn’t think she’d be able to sleep.

What if she used her magic in her sleep? Was that even possible? What if she woke up to Templars at her door?

She didn’t even want to think about what would happen if she went to the Circle. Her father would be disappointed if he’d know. He would blame it on her and her mother would have no choice but to agree. 

Questions kept popping up. She’d need to train herself. How did her magic even work? What causes it? What happened today?

Was it fear? Was it because she needed a way out? 

She didn’t know. She never talked to a mage before. Ellana had so many uncertainties and fears. What did she need to expect?

A knock on the door made her jump. After taking a couple of deep breaths to calm her heart, she spoke. “Come in.”

“Hey,” her brother greeted her. She could see one of his hands, the other one was behind his back. Was he hiding something?

“Is father mad?”

Her brother only frowned. “Why would he be mad? About you not wearing a dress?”

Ellana answered his question with a question. “Does he know that I’m a…” But she couldn’t finish the sentence. What if there was someone right outside the door?

“No. Everything’s fine,” Aldwin answered the question she didn’t give voice to. 

Ellana snorted. “Right, everything is fine. Let’s all pretend today didn’t happen. We’ll all be happy.”

“You’ll just—”

But she interrupted him, “That’s not what I’m talking about. There’s something you’re not telling me. Is Alina in danger? Is her family?”

“Just let it go, El.” That was what her brother called her many times. He was asking her nicely to let it go. But she wouldn’t budge either. 

She sighed. “Will this be a further problem?”

He stared at her for what felt like a lifetime. “No.”

She could work with that. For now, it’ll be enough. “Good.”

He revealed his hand behind his back. “I have a gift for you.”

Those are… She couldn’t believe it. In his hand were daggers. _Her_ daggers. She blinked. Gone was the dirt and whatever else was on them. He didn’t just retrieve them, but cleaned them as well. They looked brand new.

“Where did you find them?” Her voice was loud with excitement. 

“Where you left them.” The obvious answer came. But she was too happy to see them safe to care. “I’d put them away if I were you. Before father and mother realize you took them with you.”

She did as she was told and put them away at her hiding spot. “They didn’t do me any good today. I did nothing. I could’ve used them but I didn’t.”

Her brother didn’t say anything until she was done and looked at him again. “You were never in that situation, Ellana. Being in a situation like that and training are two different things. Under the circumstances you handled it well.”

But she couldn’t believe it. Years of training and what good did that do for her? 

Ellana shook her head. She was a coward. She froze. She should have done something. Anything.

Maybe it was the way she shook her head. Or the look of disbelief that shone in her blue eyes. But her brother spoke again. “If you'd pulled out your daggers and fought, you would have put yourself in danger. Nobody got hurt. You’re both alright.”

“Except now she’s scared of me.”

Her brother looked at her for a long time. If she had to guess she’d say he had no words to respond to that. Everyone that was present could see Alina’s fear. 

“A lot has happened.” She wasn’t sure if Aldwin was trying to defend Alina or trying to reassure her. Maybe both. “She was almost kidnapped. And then suddenly you could cast a spell. That sounds like a scary situation.”

Maybe he was right. But nonetheless, she had a feeling their friendship was over. Alina was one of the few that believed mages shouldn’t be locked up, and she feared her because of magic. To her it seemed ironic. It was the last reaction she expected. 

She wondered what she thought. Did she think Ellana would be irresponsible with her magic? Did her opinion change? 

“Maybe she has a right to fear me.” She looked down at her hands as if it’s their fault. “I don’t know how to control it.” Ellana spoke softly, almost whispered. She looked at her brother questioningly

“I sent them away,” he confirmed, “No one can overhear us.”

He was talking about the guards. 

She took a deep breath. It felt like the first time she could breathe since her magic became a reality. She could speak freely. She might not be locked up, but that didn’t mean she was free, either. 

“I don’t know how to start,” she admitted. “You said I can hide it but how do I do it?”

“We should talk about it later,” Aldwin said. 

But she couldn’t wait. How could she be sure of when she would next use her power unwittingly?? 

To her, it felt like her brother had all the answers and he refused to share them. Why? Why was he so secretive? “How can I be sure I won’t cast a spell?”

He nodded in understanding. “Try to control your emotions. Don’t react. If you get angry, then take a deep breath.”

She only blinked. It was the only thing she could do. Control her emotions? How? She shouldn’t feel anger? 

“That’s easy for you to say.” Her answer sounded accusatory, but that wasn’t her intention. Ellana sighed. “I just mean, I don’t know how to do it.”

“You’ll learn.” He squeezed her hand. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow and I’ll tell you how we’ll do this.”

Ellana frowned. “We?”

“We’re in this together.”

It wasn’t completely true. She was the mage, not him. If she were found, she was the one going to the Circle. Although that didn’t mean he had no risks... if he was caught helping her, he might be punished. But…

At least she didn’t have to do this alone. She had support and somehow that made things easier for her. 

* * *

She could feel her tense muscles relaxing more and more. Ellana laid in the tub until the steamy hot water turned ice cold. Afterwards, she got up and dressed.

Supper was unpleasant. Her mother’s worrisome questions didn’t help. They were a reminder of what happened and she needed to think of something else. 

Finally her mother changed the subject. “Where did Aldwin say he was going?” She took a sip of her rosy red wine.

“He said he had business to attend to.” Her father’s eyes never left the rich and creamy soup. 

Somehow the food tasted foul in her mouth. Did the cook’s recipe change, or did she just lose her appetite? 

“At this time of the day?” her mother questioned suspiciously. 

But her father didn’t care about his secrets. “He can have his private life.”

Ellana was the only one present that knew exactly where he was. He met up with Marsilia. She wondered how many times he lied to their parents and met up with her. 

Ellana didn’t know her very well, but she was impressed. Her brother never said anything good about mages. So either Marsilia won his heart and convinced him mages weren’t that bad, or it was something he always believed and never spoke up about. That was a possibility. Afterall many people didn’t share their opinion with her father, especially if it differed from his. But Ellana had a feeling it was the former. 

Clearly their relationship was a secret. Why, she couldn’t say. But she was planning to find out. 

Aldwin had more freedom than she did. Maybe it was because she was younger or because her father thought she was defenseless. But she had an idea it was because she and her father agreed on very little. 

He said many times before that she embarrassed the Trevelyan name. From things she said, done, and the way she dressed. 

Ellana excused herself saying she was tired. It wasn’t a lie. She was tired, but that wasn’t the entire reason. 

She got ready for bed quickly. But no matter how many times she tossed and turned she couldn’t fall asleep. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, she gave in and decided to go outside. She greeted the guards, saying she needed some fresh air. She passed the huge wooden doors. Passed the gardens and sat by her favourite bench. It wasn’t very comfortable, but it was peaceful here. 

The moon bathed the garden in light. She got lost looking at the stars. It was the thing she always did when she couldn’t sleep. 

It wasn’t long before she saw a figure approaching. He walked to her slowly, then took the seat beside her. It was her brother. 

It looked like he had just returned. He was tired and worn out. He could do with a rest much more than she could. 

“How did it go?” She was the first to speak. 

“It went well.” Neither of the Trevevlyans looked at each other. They keep staring straight ahead. Each of them favouring their own spot. 

“Can we talk now?”

It was the first time her brother looked at her. She could feel his stare boring into her. So she took her attention away from the beauty of the twinkling stars. Then her brother shrugged. “Now is as good as time as any.”

“So this my life now,” Ellana began. “Always worried if I’ll be overheard if I talk about magic.”

“It’s better than going to the Circle.” He had an excellent point. Here she could still walk around. Go places. She might have less freedom, but it was definitely better than going to the Circle. 

“Yes. So what do I do now?” She asked the inevitable question. “You said others hide it. So how do I do it?”

“First things first.” He started to tick things off on a list that was only in his mind. “You have to train with your magic.”

“Right,” she snorted, “Because there’s someone who trains apostates.” Then she looked at him and she was sure she never saw her brother so serious. “What? There’s someone who trains apostates?” Even to her own ears she sounded curious. 

“Marsilia took a couple of apostates under her wing. She trains them. Supports them, and takes every precaution to help them stay hidden. She’s offering to help you as well.”

That made perfect sense. From what little Ellana saw she had the heart for it. She treated Alina gently. 

She didn’t know how to respond. How could she? No words seemed like enough. So she said the next thing she could think of, “When do I start?”

“She wants to talk to you tomorrow.” That was good news. She could start as soon as possible. A cool breeze blew over them and she pulled her nightgown closer to her body. 

"Good. Did she say how things went with Alina?" Even Ellana didn't know what her intentions were. Did she ask because she was concerned about how her friend was doing or more concerned about her new secret? 

Her brother nodded as he expected the question. "She's home with her family. Alina promised not to tell."

But when she looked at Aldwin she could tell there was more. He was hesitating if he should tell her. "What is it?"

"She wants to talk to you."

A million questions popped into her head. Her heart started raising again. What could that be? Was it a good or bad thing?

"You don't have to," her brother said and she had to wonder if he could somehow read her thoughts. "If you think it's a trap then don't. 

"What do you think?" she looked at him questionably. 

He shrugged. "I'd give her the benefit of the doubt."

"Alright," she nodded, "I'll see what she has to say." 

"Any more questions?" he asked. 

Of course she had. She wanted to know who the other apostates were. She wanted to know of Marsilia, what her story was. She wanted to know how her brother became involved with the mages. 

But the tired look that her brother was wearing stopped her. 

"Yes," she admitted, "But it can wait until the sun rises. It was a long day. You should get some sleep."

"You're one to talk."

She snorted. "I'll go in a bit."

* * *

The rest of the night, she was restless. When she got back to bed it took an eternity to fall asleep. But she woke up a couple of times, and each time she fell asleep she dreamed of Templars dragging her away to an unknown and unsafe place. 

The sun couldn’t rise fast enough, and when it was finally morning, she kicked the covers off. She tried to rub the sleep from her eyes, but no matter how much she rubbed she still felt like she hadn't slept at all. 

After breakfast, she got her things ready and decided to see Alina. A knock on her door stopped her in her tracks. 

“Come in.” When she saw who it was, she rolled her eyes. “You don’t have to keep checking up on me. I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Aldwin said, “That’s not why I’m here.” Whatever he wanted to say, her movements stopped him. “Where are you going?”

It was obvious she was going somewhere. Her daggers were out on her bed and her brother was one of the only ones who knew that meant she was going somewhere. Most didn’t know she took them everywhere with her. “I’m going to see Alina. The sooner I’m going the better.” Then she stopped and looked at him. She realized he still hadn't said what he was doing here. “Why have you come? You said you didn’t come to check up on me.”

He was still staring at her daggers as if he wanted to protest her taking them. When he realized she was staring at him, waiting for an answer, he pulled himself up straight. “Oh, yes…” He nervously rubbed his neck. “Just come find me once you’ve come back. We have work to do today.”

But Ellana didn’t want to leave things there. “You know,” she said softly, “I’m supposed to act normal. You didn’t say I should but I just figured that way nobody finds out.” She tried being as vague as possible, but made sure she said enough so that her brother knew what she was talking about. 

“Yes, I agree.”

“So why are you looking at my daggers like they’re the enemies?” Ellana crossed her arms across her chest and arched an eyebrow. 

“I just… is it really the best idea to take them with you?”

“I always do.” She took them to equip them. “Is that a problem?” The question was more a challenge than anything else. 

“No.”

After he left she still had no idea why he was acting so weird but left it. Maybe it was because she almost lost her daggers yesterday. She equipped them on her thighs and made sure her dress sat right. 

The carriage ride wasn’t long but of course her personal guard thought of starting a conversation. It was awkward; he usually didn’t feel the need to make conversation, but maybe he felt bad over what happened the day before. 

“Are you going to check up on Lady Alina?” There was a hint of something there but she couldn’t be sure what. 

“Yes,” she lied. 

Since when was Ellana someone making sure her secrets were kept hidden? She was never like this. If she didn’t find out she was a mage yesterday she would’ve made sure her friend was alright. 

Of course she’ll ask how she's doing, but it wasn’t her primary focus. 

He asked many questions on the way there but her answers were short and curt until he stopped. Maybe he got the message. This wasn’t something she wanted to talk about. 

When the carriage stopped she ordered her personal guard to stay. He hesitated for a moment but decided to leave things there.

Was it possible he felt bad over what happened? He shouldn’t. Who knows what might’ve happened to him if he was present. 

She didn’t even know what happened to Alina’s guards. That was still a mystery.

* * *

“You want some tea?” Alina asked. 

They were sitting in one of the most beautiful gardens Ellana ever saw. There was a big fountain, and the water in the fountain left her with a peaceful feeling. There was so much green and colour. Trees showing their beauty. 

The whole atmosphere was enough to help anyone forget about their worries. 

“No thanks.” She was so nervous, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to keep the tea down. 

Alina dismissed the servants and waited until everyone was out of earshot. She moved uncomfortably in her chair. It was a sign of nervousness, or maybe guilt? Ellana couldn’t be sure. 

A wave of awkwardness surrounded them and the only way to escape it was for someone to talk. The question was who would be the first that has the courage to defeat it.

“How are you doing after yesterday?” Ellana was the first. This silence was unnecessary and it didn’t do any of them good. 

“I’m alright.” But Ellana could tell it was a lie. Her voice was unsteady, unsure. “I just want to forget about yesterday. It was… unpleasant.”

“That’s good,” Ellana said. There wasn’t much else she could say. Things were worse for Alina than for her. They might have been in the same situation but those men weren’t after Ellana. 

“Look,” Alina started to say, “I’m sorry about the way I reacted. That was wrong of me. I just…. I don’t know. I was surprised. I didn’t think you were…”

Either she was worried someone would overhear them or she couldn’t say the words out loud. It wasn’t as if someone would be able to overhear them. Not really. Or at least she didn’t think so. “A mage?”

Alina stretched her arm to Ellana and squeezed her hand. “I will keep your secret.” But Ellana couldn’t find the trust in her words and pulled back. 

“Are you afraid of me?” The way Alina reacted showed her true reaction. That wasn’t a lie. 

“It’s not that simple.” She was avoiding the question and Ellana hated when people did that. She wanted a straight answer. 

“It is. At least to me.”

“Look, you have to understand that was the last thing I expected to happen.” But Ellana didn’t understand. Once she fears her, she’ll always fear her. “You never could’ve cast a spell and then suddenly you have a fireball in your hand. You didn’t even know you could. You couldn’t control it.”

“It’s not like I would’ve hurt you,” Ellana said, and she wasn’t even sure why she defended herself. 

“Not on purpose.”

Ellana caught something in her tone. It suggested something. Was she afraid she would burn the grass or something? That she would use a spell on her?

“What does that mean?” Ellana had to ask but she wasn’t sure if she wanted an answer. 

“You can’t control it. Not now.” Alina stopped and she searched for something. She couldn’t be sure what. “That was the first time I saw magic with my own eyes. To see you casting it, and you didn’t know what you’d done. Even you looked a little scared.”

She did? Ellana didn’t even think of how it made her feel. But she couldn’t blame her friend. So much was happening. She still didn’t know if she could trust her, but what choice did she have?

“Alright,” Ellana said after what felt like an eternity. 

“Your brother’s friend, she talked to me. Told me a lot about apostates and what it's like. The hiding and running.” She had no idea where Alina was going with this. But she was surprised Marsilia told her about that. She didn’t even know what that was like. “I just want to say. If you need anything, tell me.”

Ellana wanted to say something, she wanted to offer the same to her. Afterall how could she be sure she would be safe? But all words failed her so she did the one thing she could. She nodded. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


	3. Things Are Starting To Happen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to [ Pigeon_theoneandonly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeon_theoneandonly/pseuds/Pigeon_theoneandonly) for betaing. Thank you so much for all you help!!

Ellana and Alina talked until the conversation became too uncomfortable and she left. She made the excuse of needing to sort things out. It wasn’t a lie; she did need to deal with her brother. But the truth was she could’ve stayed longer. 

They promised they wouldn’t let this come between them. But Ellana already felt like she broke the promise. 

Her stomach made turns at uncomfortable angles as she stepped into the estate. Her heart beat faster and faster. She first went into her room to remove her daggers. Once she knew they were safe, she went to find her brother.

From one of her father’s favourite guards, she heard he was in the garden. 

The Trevelyan garden wasn’t one of the prettiest. It was beautiful and she could sit there for hours, but it wasn’t a place she could fall in love with. 

“I’m back,” she announced and took the seat next to him. 

“That’s good,” Aldwin said. She realized how he nervously fiddled with his hands. Ellana wasn’t sure if he was nervous for her part. “How did it go?”

“Good.” It was definitely better than she expected. Alina could’ve called her guards and thrown her in the Circle. But she didn’t. “She won’t say anything.”

“Do you believe her?”

_No._

“If she tells anyone then there’s no one I’ll ever be able to trust with this.” That was the truth. And the thought scared her more than she could say. 

“You don’t know that.”

She threw him a look and he avoided her gaze. Ellana didn’t have to say anything else on the subject. “What’s the plan?”

“I hope you don’t have anything planned for the day.”

She did have things planned. But it was nowhere as important as this. She’d need a good excuse, but she could come up with something later.

“Alright.” She was ready to start. 

* * *

Marsilia lived on a beautiful farm. It was a different kind of beauty and she couldn’t compare it with the gardens she loved. This was a place you could get lost into. It was filled with green grass and all kinds of different flowers and plants. Ellana loved seeing all the cattle as they passed. She never saw so many different cattle in one place. All the sounds of the animals combined into one. 

Marsilia’s family must be farmers. 

When they passed a big farmhouse, she frowned. Wasn’t that where Marsilia lived?

“Why aren’t we going to the farmhouse?” Ellana questioned her brother. 

“Look.” Aldwin shifted in his seat. He looked uncomfortable, ashamed. “Marsilia’s family doesn’t know where she is. An eldery couple lives in the farmhouse and they offered her a place to stay. ”

Was he ashamed of Marsilia? If that was the case, she didn’t understand. Why did that matter who she was and what she did?

“What do you mean? Where’s her parents? Did she run away?” She asked one question after the other as it popped into her head.

“No. Her parents turned her into the Circle. She escaped,” her brother explained. 

Whatever Ellana expected to hear, it wasn’t that. She doubted it was all there was to say about the story. But the little she heard didn’t sound good at all. “How?”

“I didn’t ask.” 

“You didn’t ask?” She found it strange.

He just shrugged, “She doesn’t like talking about her past.”

“Alright.”

She wondered how hard it might’ve been for Marsilia to escape. Did she have help? Was it a group? 

And why wouldn’t she want to talk about her past? Did something happen and she didn’t want to think about the past? 

The carriage swiftly stopped. Her brother asked the driver to stay and she followed him. They stepped into an old wine cellar. Some crates of wine were left around but not a lot. Marsilia was standing against a wall, and when she saw them she rubbed the dirt from her breeches. 

“Ellana,” she greeted her and pulled her in an unexpected hug. Ellana was caught by surprise, but when she realized what was happening, she returned the hug. 

_Oh, she’s a hugger._

When she pulled back she spoke. “Thank you for offering your help.”

“Of course,” she said with the biggest smile she could muster. She placed her hands on her shoulders. “Anything for a fellow mage. We need to stick together.”

“So…” Ellana began awkwardly. She wasn’t sure where to start. “There’s a lot of us?” She looked up at Marsilia. She was a bit taller than Ellana. 

Marsilia stared at her. She was searching for something in her eyes. Ellana’s mother always said you could see a lot of a person by looking at their eyes. Suddenly she looked away, afraid her eyes revealed too much. 

“Aldwin, leave us.” Marsilia’s gaze now was on her brother’s. “We need to talk.”

Ellana thought he was going to protest, but that wasn’t the case. “Alright. I’m just the one bringing her here.”

“Thank you.” Marsilia dismissed him with her words. 

“Now,” she said to Ellana, “let’s take a walk.”

* * *

They did not stay in the wine cellar like Ellana thought they would. Instead, they walked around the farm. Passing the vineyards and what she assumed was some crops. This was her first time that she’d ever been on a farm. And the experience was a good one. 

“It’s beautiful here, don’t you think?” Marsilia broke the peaceful silence. 

“Yes.” Somehow, Ellana knew what she meant. It wasn’t just a physical beauty but how peaceful their surroundings were. As if someone could find themself again at this place. “It’s so peaceful.”

Marsilia smiled as she thought of a memory Ellana could only think was a pleasant one. “But I’m no farmer. I’m sure your brother told you that.”

Ellana thought back of the carriage ride. She thought of everything her brother said about this woman. It wasn’t much, but it was something. “He said your parents gave you to the Circle.”

Marsilia gave her another smile but this one didn’t reach her eyes. She had an unpleasant history. Ellana didn’t need to know the whole story, so she decided she wouldn’t ask.

“Did he say anything about the family that lives here?” She looked at the direction where Ellana could only imagine is the farmhouse. 

“No. Do they know you're a mage?” It was so nice to feel free to be able to say what she was. Even having to hide that secret for a day felt like a lifetime. She couldn't risk it at the Trevelyan house. There were guards everywhere. 

“Yes,” she confirmed, “They even offered that I could help train others like you and me.”

Ellana frowned. She has never heard of something like this before. People taking an apostate in. Even letting them train others? “Aren’t they worried about the Chantry?” She might as well have said the Templars. After all, it was what she meant. 

“They are Andrastrians. But they believe mages should be free. Some mages are dangerous, yes. But we’re not all monsters.”

Ellana couldn’t believe this. Was she living her life with close eyes this whole time? Were there actually people like this? Or was it her ears that were deceiving her?

“I don’t understand,” Ellana said and she had no idea how to explain this. “If they get caught…”

Everyone knew what would happen. The Chantry would investigate and these people would likely get severe punishment. They had a lot to lose by helping mages. 

But Marsilia had all the confidence in the world. “Well then, we just have to make sure it doesn’t happen. That’s why we all need to work together. If anyone helping us hears something suspicious about Templar activities, they tell us. Together we find a solution to the problem.”

That sounded like a fantastic system. Why couldn’t everyone work like that?

“Are you an Andrastrian?” Marsilia asked. 

For the first few seconds Ellana didn’t speak. She was taken aback. It was assumed that everyone around here was Andrastrians. Everyone practised the religion. “The Trevelyans are Andrastrains.”

“I didn’t ask about your house Ellana. I asked if you are.”

“I was raised to be one,” she responded honestly, “But I don’t think I believe in the Maker.”

She expected something. A frown perhaps. Or a scrunched up face. But none of that happened. Marsilia nodded. 

“Does it matter?” Ellana questioned. “Do you care if I follow the Chantry?”

“No,” Marsilia responded, “But I’d like to know my students a bit better.”

That made sense. Ellana didn’t want to work with people she couldn’t trust. “What about you?”

“I believe, but I don’t believe in all of the rules. A gift is supposed to be used, isn’t it?”

Marsilia was talking about magic, but Ellana couldn’t be sure if magic was really a gift. It didn’t feel like one. It felt more like she had a curse than anything else. 

Instead of agreeing or disagreeing, Ellana talked around it. “Don’t let the Templars hear you.”

“You worry too much. But back to the question you asked earlier. There aren’t many of us. Some are children. Some are your age. Others are older. But the important part is we stick together.”

Ellana nodded as she took the information in. “Sounds good. You have a talk with all of your students?”

“Yes,” she admitted with a chuckle. “I feel it’s important to bond and get to know them on a personal level. I’m not asking you to share all your secrets.” Ellana wondered if she added the last part because of the change of expression on her face. “But, if you need to talk or have a problem, don’t hesitate to come to me.”

Ellana nodded. This almost sounded like a new family. But could she trust them? She couldn’t know. 

“When do we start?”

* * *

Ellana would meet the others and start training the next day. But this meant that she had to come up with an excuse. She couldn’t just disappear for a couple of hours without a good reason. And it wasn’t just now. 

Training takes a lot of time and this meant she’ll need to disappear. This needed to be explained. She just hoped she can come up with a good enough excuse. 

She stayed for a few hours on the farm asking the questions she needed to ask. But with every question that got answered another two popped up. 

After she and her brother got back at the estate, they discussed what they’d need to do to keep the secret. They were lucky really. Her mother went to the Chantry she needed to take care of things; what those things exactly were, she was unsure of. Her father had business to attend to. 

At sunset, Ellana’s head was spinning with all the do’s and don’ts. Marsilia even gave her some hints in case she cast a spell without meaning to. That didn’t mean it was going to be easy, though. There was so much information. 

In truth, she hated this, that she needed to live a lie. And one day she’d need to join the Chantry. It was expected of her. How was she supposed to hide her magic then? Was that even possible? She planned to postpone joining them as long as possible. 

Her parents weren't always fond of the idea. Her father sighed and said one day she’d need to do it, but perhaps she first needed to learn to act more like a Trevelyan. Her mother understood, and she expected she had something to do with her not being sent to the Chantry yet. 

Joining the Chantry wasn’t something Ellana wanted to do. She never wanted to be tied to that life.

“What do you think about Marsilia?” Aldwin asked after taking a sip of his tea and placing it on the table. 

“She seems nice. It’s good the apostates have someone to go to.” The last part Ellana added as an afterthought.

They were in her brother’s bedchambers. It was warm and cosy with the fireplace giving them warmth. It gave more light to the dark colours of the room. Unfortunately, being warm and cosy was the wrong thing for her. She wanted nothing more than to go to sleep. 

“I’m glad you like her,” he said with a smile. 

_I won’t say I like her._ Ellana didn’t know her. It was hard to say what she honestly thought of her.

“So, how long have the two of you… Well, you know…”

Her brother’s face immediately turned red. He looked like a thief who was caught stealing. “No, I don’t _know_.” If his face didn’t give any indication that he was lying, his words certainly did. 

“I’m not stupid, Aldwin. You two like each other,” she said with a shrug. 

Aldwin just blinked, as if he made sure his ears hadn’t deceived him. She could see how he debated if he should talk to her about it. “What did she tell you?” he asked carefully.

“She didn’t say anything. But she obviously cares a lot about you.” She paused, having her own debate in her head if she should go further into it. “That, and why else would you help the mages?”

Aldwin’s face returned to its natural colour. His lips changed into a thin line, not impressed at all with what he heard. “That’s not true.”

Ellana would have laughed. But she swallowed the laughter that tried to escape her throat. “I have never heard you saying anything positive about mages until yesterday.”

“Maybe I pretended.”

This time Ellana snorted. “Right, you pretended,” she repeated with a mock tone. “That doesn’t explain the many times I said something and you said completely the opposite. You and I even had arguments about just that.”

“I know,” Aldwin said. She could hear the shame in his voice, as he gripped the handles of his chair. “That was before I met Marsilia. She convinced me mages are people, just like everybody else. A man with a sword can be evil too, depending how he uses his weapon.”

This time Ellana couldn’t do anything else except blink. That was the last thing she expected to hear from her brother. Suddenly the words didn't get out; she swallowed her tongue.

“Don’t be so surprised, El. People can change.”

“Well then, I’m glad you have her.”

A look of sadness washed over her brother’s face. “We have a forbidden relationship. This will never work between us.”

Things sounded so much simpler to her ears than to her brother’s. Things don't need to be so complicated. “Do you love her?”

“Yes.” There was no doubt, no hesitation in his words. He was confident. 

She shrugged once again. “Then that’s all that matters.”

“I can’t marry her, Ellana.”

Ellana knew the reasons. It was part of why Ellana hated the noble life. They should be able to marry for love. 

“If you stay here, then no, you can’t marry her. But you don’t have to stay here. The two of you should run away.” After what happened to his first wife, Ellana didn’t think he would have someone else. It was luck that he fell in love again. She was happy for him. 

That was when he got defensive. “I can’t just… run away. That won’t work.” It made Ellana suspicious. She had a feeling this was a conversation he had before. 

“Why not?”

“I have responsibilities!” His words were louder. 

But Ellana heard what his words didn’t say. He was afraid of defying their father. She couldn’t say why though. 

Before she could say anything else, there was a knock on the door. Aldwin stood up from his chair to see who it was. 

“Lord Trevelyan,” Ellana recognized the voice of her brother’s personal guard, “Your father is home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


	4. Struggles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to [ Pigeon_theoneandonly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeon_theoneandonly/pseuds/Pigeon_theoneandonly) for betaing. Thank you so much for all you help!!

They ate supper not long after her parents arrived. Her father arrived first and they went to greet him. He asked how Alina was doing. 

That was at least one part of her day she didn’t need to lie about. 

They were still talking when her mother arrived. At supper, Mother talked about the business she had at the Chantry until the conversation died down. 

That night Ellana fell asleep immediately after her head touched her pillow. Her exhaustion won out over her worries. 

Her excuse for the hours being away was training. It wasn't a full lie. Her parents were just unaware of what type of training. 

“I know you’re disappointed having less training time with your daggers,” Aldwin said when they rode to the farm, “But this is for the best.”

“I still need my training,” Ellana glared at him, “I can’t stop it.”

“It only means you’ll need to work hard.”

On what? Magic? Daggers? Did he mean the lies?

“It’s still too important to skip. Magic cannot replace it.” But Ellana had a feeling she wouldn’t win this argument. 

Aldwin shifted his body to look at her better. The seat creaked under his weight. “It’s either this or something happens, and you’ll lose control and go to the Circle. The choice is up to you.”

She recognized her brother’s words for what they were, a challenge. He knew what her choice would be. Ellana only sat in her seat deeper. 

“That’s what I thought.” He sighed as if he realized he could’ve handled that better. “I know you need the training. Both of them,” he clarified. “But in order to do this, you’ll need to make some sacrifices.”

“I know.” Ellana knew this was the only way. Otherwise, her parents might find out about her magic. That way they could still believe she was training. “What about my trainer?”

“Don’t worry. I handled it.”

Ellana frowned, thinking about what this meant. And then it hit her. “You bribed him, didn’t you?”

Aldwin’s answer was to avoid her gaze. Instead, he focused on the trees they were passing.

“You can’t do that. What if someone finds out?” There must be better ways to deal with this. Someone could’ve seen them, overhear them.

“Look Ellana.” Her brother was getting ready to defend his actions. “If you want to stay hidden there are certain things you’re going to need to do that you won’t like.”

“And what if he demands more? Or blackmails me or you.”

“We’ll handle it when it gets that far.”

Ellana only shook her head, but that just made him mad.

“Ellana, you’re not the only one with something to lose here. If it comes out that I’m helping mages, I’ll be in who knows what trouble. I have things to lose, too.”

_ So, run away with the woman you love.  _

Instead, Ellana sighed. She knew she was being selfish. Aldwin was helping her; she should be grateful. “I know. I’m sorry.”

“El, I know this must be hard on you. But in order for this to work, you need to trust me.”

Ellana trusted her brother. They had a good relationship. Not the best, but the best one she had with any of her family. Of course, there were arguments, but they differed from each other a lot. 

But this was her life. A wrong step and she’ll be caught and locked up for the rest of her life. That was something she wanted to avoid.

“Alright. I’ll give it a shot.”

Ellana and Aldwin never finished their conversation from the day before. She found it better to leave things alone. Besides, it was her brother’s life, not hers. 

Regardless, she was happy he found love again. Nobody was sure if that would happen. 

When something caught her eye she peeked outside. They were entering the farm. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves. 

It was time to learn how to use her magic properly. 

* * *

Her first lesson went horribly. She either couldn’t cast a simple spell, or when she did, it was out of control. In the process, she destroyed a couple of the wine barrels. 

Luckily Marsilia acted fast enough and put the fire out. 

Ellana watched the situation with a wide mouth. She didn’t know what to say. How could she begin to apologize for destroying property? 

“Don’t worry about it.” Marsilia read her mind. “You’re not the first to do it and you won’t be the last. Those wine barrels aren’t in use.”

“I didn’t mean… I thought I could…” She sighed, “I don’t know what I thought.” 

“It’s alright,” she squeezed her shoulder. “We’re all bad at this at the beginning. To learn to control it is hard, but keep training and you’ll just be fine.”

And that’s what Ellana did. Week after week she trained. But it was failure after failure. 

“I can’t do this!” Ellana said out of frustration. 

“You’ll get there.” Marsilia always sounded calm. It was the same thing she had told her over and over again. But it wasn’t enough anymore. 

“I just… I need a break from this.” She didn’t wait for her brother’s lover to say anything else; she just stormed off without another word. 

Much later in the day, her brother found her sitting on a bench. It wasn’t one of her favourite places. Somehow those reminded her of the days before her powers manifested. It hadn’t been that long, but somehow it felt like another life. 

It wasn’t just the frustration of not getting her magic under control; it was everything that came with it. The whispering. There were times when some of the servants found out. They needed to be bribed. The lies were tiring. The sneaking around. 

Ellana Trevelyan was tired of everything. She wished she could get rid of her magic. Not because she hated it, but because she was so bad at it. 

She gave her brother one look. He was standing in front of her blocking the sun and her beautiful view. His arms were across his chest and his hair looked rough, as she could only imagine his day was. 

“You look mad,” she stated. Everything about him told her he knew. 

“You can’t just abandon your lessons. Every one counts,” he said while he took the seat next to her. 

“Don’t start with me.” Ellana was annoyed. Every step of the way he was there reminding her of what was at stake, and not only what she had to lose, but he as well. As if someone found out, it would be her fault. Maybe it would. One of these days her luck would run out. 

“I know it’s hard—”

That did it. Ellana had stayed quiet long enough. “You don’t get it. You’re acting as if you’re the one who's a mage but you’re not. I am. You do not know what it’s like.”

There was a silence that stretched too long. And it was impossible for her to know what he would say. 

“You’re right,” he stated, “I don’t know.”

Ellana blinked her eyes. She wasn’t sure if her ears had deceived her. “That’s a first.”

“I know I might have…” He seemed to struggle to get the right words out. Whatever it was, he didn’t want to admit it. “I have forced my ideas on you. And you’re right. But it’s important to follow these regulations.”

But this time it didn’t work. “Then stop acting like you have all the answers because you don’t. I can barely sleep. I’m tired. I’m trying to juggle all of these things. I keep lying, living in fear that someone will find out. I don’t want to live like this.”

“It’s hard for all of us.” Aldwin tried to defend himself, but his shield of words wasn’t enough. 

She gave a grim chuckle, “Us, the mages yes. You? Not so much.”

Her words hit something; what it was, she couldn’t say. “I have something to lose.”

“And how many times do you need to throw that back at me? I didn’t ask for your help! Your advice is as empty as your actions. If you’re so afraid of losing your precious coin or whatever the Chantry will do to you, then just turn us in. I’m sure you can get the Templars fast enough.”

“Ellana…” Aldwin said her name slowly, softly, as if he was afraid she might do something, “You need to calm down.”

“Why?” she demanded. But she already knew why. 

Ellana had activated her magic without realizing it. Ice particles were coming from her hands without her permission. She took a deep breath, letting her eyelids fall and felt how the magic disappeared from her fingertips. 

When she opened up her eyes her brother stood up again. “Why would you say that? I would never give you or the others up.”

Ellana avoided his gaze and looked at the house far off. “You seem to believe I don’t know what’s at stake. But I do. I’m grateful for your help. But you need to stop throwing that in my face every time you believe I need motivation. I don’t. I have all the motivation in the world.”

He took a seat again while considering his words. Then he slowly nodded as he understood better. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to do that. I’m only trying to help.”

“And I appreciate it.”  _ More than I could say. _ “But sometimes I need a break.”

“Alright. Seems fair enough.”

When the conversation seemed to die down, she sat further down in her set, closing her eyes. She enjoyed the sunlight warming her. Then without thinking she spoke, “I must be the worst mage out there.”

“You’re not,” Aldwin replied. “Marsilia wasn’t lying, some need more practice, but you’ll get there. You don’t know what type of mage you will be once you’re older.”

“What does it help, though?” she opened up her eyes. “I’m in hiding so what use is it?”

“Control,” he said, giving the obvious answer. “And you can prove the world wrong and use it for good. You can help others like Marsilia and many like her.”

That was the best answer he could give her. She considered it and slowly nodded. “That’s a noble goal. That’s something I can work towards.”

* * *

During the upcoming weeks, Ellana kept on working. This time she worked harder than ever. Some days were bad, others worse, but one day she succeeded. 

Her spells weren’t as weak any more. She was learning more and more about how to control her power. The fear of destroying the Trevelyan’s’ properties wasn’t as demanding as it once was. 

After supper one night she went to her bedchambers. Practising casting small spells. She practised forming fireballs in her hand. Until her door was yanked open. 

Her eyes widened to twice their size. Instinct kicked in, and she got her magic ready. 

“Ellana!” It was her brother, yelling her name. Then he froze as if she cast a spell at him. “What do you think you are doing?” he said more softly, “You can’t use your magic here.”

“Sorry,” she whispered. Her magic disappeared as her words did. Then she looked her brother over.

He looked concerned. Aldwin never barged into her bedchambers like this. Something must have happened. She frowned, wondering what that might be. “What’s wrong?”

“How far are you with your lessons?”

She nervously ran her hand through her loose curls, “I’m getting better, but there’s still a lot to learn.”

“Damn, this is bad.” He fell-sat on her bed. He almost looked miserable. Then he looked over at her, debating if he should tell her.

“What’s going on? Do they know? Should I run?” A million thoughts ran through her brain. If they knew then there would be Templars at her door and not Aldwin. Or maybe he found out about that and came and told her. 

“No.” And with his words, a wave of relief washed over her. That was good at least. “But father wants to send you to the Chantry.”

It made sense. They all knew this day would come. But the problem wasn’t any more that she didn’t want to go to the Chantry; it was she would be surrounded by Templars. Templars that had years and years of training. They would find out about her little secret and send her to the Circle. But it wasn’t something she could avoid forever. 

She sat slowly on her bed beside him. “That isn’t good. I need to stall this.”

He lifted up his hand to stop her. “That’s not necessary. I told father you’re not ready and he agreed. But this won’t hold for long. Soon he’ll send you to the Chantry.”

“Alright.” She held onto her mattress with both hands tightly, her knuckles turning white. “Then I just need to make sure I’m ready.”

That was easier said than done. 

* * *

The next few weeks Ellana had a lot of stress. She woke up with cold sweat cooling off her hot body. Having nightmares about Templars dragging her away while she begged them not to.

She thought she was done with the nightmares, but maybe the thought of joining the Chantry resurfaced those fears. She gave it her all in her training.

“Again!” her trainer ordered.

She picked up her daggers. Her trainer seemed less impressed with her. He didn’t like her very much.

“Just because you're a lady it doesn’t mean you should fight like one.” His comments always irritated her. As if that would motivate her.

Maybe it did, because she came harder at him, faster, with more rage. But he blocked her again and she stumbled to the ground. 

“When I agreed to let you miss one lesson a week I expected you to practise, but you clearly don’t.”

That wasn’t necessarily true. She did. But she was so tired she couldn’t focus. Last night she couldn’t sleep at all. And her exhaustion was catching up to her. 

With each lesson, she got worse and worse. And she was surprised that her trainer didn’t refuse to train her anymore. 

Her magic lessons didn’t go any better, either. But as time went by she relaxed more and more. And was convinced that her parents wouldn’t find out. 

Until one day. 

It was like any other day. She went to the farm. She even greeted the elderly couple whose farm it was. They were the nicest people. 

She needed to fight defence. And when it was her time to cast the spell, her partner needed to be defensive. She threw a fireball but her partner blocked it perfectly.

But there wasn’t the applause or the support there usually was among the apostates. There was only silence. And then she knew something was wrong. When she turned around she saw the last person in the world she expected to see. 

Ellana Trevelyan saw her father. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


	5. Unraveling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to [ Pigeon_theoneandonly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeon_theoneandonly/pseuds/Pigeon_theoneandonly) for betaing. Thank you so much for all you help!!

Ellana thought she was in many awkward situations in her life before. But none of them came close to this one. 

She and father were alone with a Templar in the carriage. The nightmare she dreamed over and over again came true. Except it was much worse. 

She preferred Templars dragging her away rather than the way her own father looked at her.

He arrived at the farm with Templars. There were a lot of them. It was chaos. Some tried to run. Some tried to fight. Others just surrendered. They took the mages. Every single one. No one escaped. Not even Marsilia. 

Ellana and her father were on their way home and since Aldwin and Marsilia were in a relationship she would be brought there as well. Ellana wasn’t sure why her father ordered that or why the Templars would even listen to him. 

But she had bigger things to worry about. 

She swallowed. Her throat felt too dry to speak. When was the last time she had something to drink? She couldn’t recall.

Her heart wouldn’t calm down. With each beat, it threatened to jump out of her chest. There was no way she would get out of this one. After today, she would go to the Circle.

The thought of that scared her more than she’d like to admit. Suddenly she couldn’t breathe. How did she breathe before? It’s easy, right? Why couldn’t she breathe?

Her worst nightmare has come true. And there was nothing she could do about it. 

The Templar kept his eyes on her. His one hand was on the pommel of his sword. Ready to cut her down if she tried anything. This was the last place she wanted to have this conversation with her father, but she doubted he would want to speak to her alone, even if they could. 

She took a deep breath, hoping it was enough. “Aren’t you going to say anything?” Her voice felt so strange. As if she didn’t speak the words but someone else did instead. Did her voice always sound so weak and doubtful?

Her father didn’t even change his posture. He kept staring in front of him, his eyes on the Templar. And for a moment the Templar’s eyes met her father’s. 

Ellana frowned. It was like they could read each other’s minds. She sighed. No words would be enough. But she had to try. 

“This changes nothing,” she said, “I’m still your daughter.”

Of course, it changed everything. But this didn’t need to change how her father saw her. But her words did get a reaction out of him. He looked at her, his eyes throwing daggers at her. 

“You’re no daughter of mine. No daughter of mine is a mage. If the Chantry didn’t strip you mages of your titles, I would have done it gladly.” His words just might’ve been daggers that stabbed her again and again.

A big lump was forming in her throat. She took a deep breath and tried to swallow it. “I don’t…” she trailed off as her mind tried to make sense of his words. But for some reason, her mind didn’t want to process them properly. “I don’t understand.”

“From this day forth your last name might be Trevelyan but in reality, you’re no Trevelyan. You will go to the Circle and I don’t want to hear from you again. I’ll make sure you get no letters from any Trevelyan. You might’ve been born as something in the world, but now you’re less than nothing.”

Her father’s words took her breath away. Even if she could speak she wouldn’t know what to say. Somehow the Templar that stared at her was too much. As if he saw the most vulnerable, personal side of her. Ellana didn’t like it and she couldn’t look at her father anymore. There was too much disappointment, too much pain, she couldn’t bear it any longer. But her father wasn’t done speaking his mind. 

“It wasn’t enough of you to be a mage. You had to bring your brother into this.” The false accusations came in. Why did he say that? She didn’t force him into anything. 

But his accusations forced her hand. “I didn’t ask him to. He did it on his own. You just can’t accept that Aldwin did something you don’t approve of. He’s the perfect son. But he is also allowed to have his own opinions. Not everyone has to agree with you. Your opinions aren’t facts.”

Ellana overstepped. She knew she shouldn’t have said it. She could hear her own heartbeat. It was so loud she thought her father might hear it as well. Then guilt overwhelmed her. Why, she couldn’t say. For the first time, she spoke her mind.

Her father only scoffed, “You and  _ that _ girl poisoned his mind. Mages don’t always need magic to do their evil deeds.”

He meant Marsilia. Ellana’s jaw dropped. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. What happened to make him act like this? She didn’t know if it was fear or hate. Maybe it was both. Maybe even something else. 

She bit the side of her cheek to stop herself from saying something.  _ Anything _ . She was right, no words would be enough.

“The Templars will take you and the girl at the castle. You can say goodbye to my wife. That’s the least you owe her. You’ve done enough harm to this family,” her father said.

She supposed she should be grateful that he gave her a chance to say goodbye to her mother. He didn’t even want to acknowledge she was his or her mother’s daughter. He couldn’t even say Marsilia’s name out loud. 

While the carriage rode into the Trevelyan property she closed her eyes. She wished the Templars would take her already.

* * *

Ellana was ordered to her bedchambers while her father talked to her mother about what a disgrace she was to the Trevelyan name. 

But she wasn’t alone. A Templar was with her making sure she wouldn’t run. He lifted a single eyebrow to challenge her to use her magic. But Ellana wasn’t that stupid.

Besides she didn’t want to hurt others with her magic. 

An abrupt knock pulled her away from wherever her mind has drifted off to. She could hear the steel of the Templar’s sword. Ready to cut any threat down. He opened the door.

Ellana couldn’t see who it was. But she’d recognize that voice anywhere. 

“I want to speak privately to Ellana.” Her brother’s voice demanded to be heard. It was firm. But not firm enough for the Templar. 

“I’m under strict orders not to leave the apostate alone.” But he opened the door wider to let Aldwin in. “You can talk to her while I’m present in the room.

Ellana winced under his words. He made apostate sound like some kind of insult. 

“This might be the last time I can speak to my sister like this. Would it kill you to give us some privacy?”

The Templar saw something in Aldwin’s features, what she couldn’t say. But he nodded. “Alright. But if she escapes or kills you, that’s on you. I will not take responsibility.”

There was no movement, no one spoke until the Templar left her bedchambers. Then her brother embraced her and she hugged him back. 

Without her permission, the tears began to fall. They were hot against her cold cheeks. In the carriage, she wouldn’t give her father the satisfaction of crying in front of him. But he wasn’t here and neither was the Templar that watched over her. And when she pulled away, she wiped them away with her tunic’s sleeve. 

He gave her a proper look, and there was no way he missed the tears.“Are you alright?”

That was a complicated question. She wasn’t fine. Far from it. Ellana’s life was over and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. 

“No,” she answered honestly. “How did he find out?”

He shrugged as if this wasn’t a big deal. But Ellana needed to know. “I don’t know the whole story but he got suspicious. People began to talk. So he investigated.”

She thought she did everything right. Ellana did her best, she knew that. Yet, it wasn’t enough. She should have known staying an apostate all her life would be next to impossible. How did apostates succeed while she didn’t stay hidden even for a year?

“Did he hire someone?”

“Ellana,” he squeezed her shoulder, “I don’t know. What does it matter how he found out?”

Her gaze fell on the window as if she could crawl out of the window and be free. Ellana wished she could, but the window was too small. Besides, if she did, her brother would have some prison time for sure. And then it hit her. 

She has been selfish. She didn’t stop to think about what would happen to the people that helped them. But yet, the Templars didn’t arrest him. Why?

Her brother was on the farm when the Templars came. After training, he and Marsilia planned to spend some time together. 

When they grabbed Marsilia he yelled. He told everyone there he helped them out and demanded they let her go. If they were going to take them, the Templars would need to arrest him as well.

It was the dumbest thing he ever did in his life. But it was brave, and he did it out of love. He wanted to protect the woman he loved. 

“Why didn’t they arrest you?”

Aldwin knew what she was talking about. He might have said nothing, but his body language said everything. He was avoiding her gaze. Aldwin looked guilty. Whatever the answer was, he didn’t think she would approve. 

But that’s when she knew. 

“Father is in their pockets, isn’t he? He made this all disappear.”

Her father’s actions stung. He went out of his way to protect him, and he could’ve done the same for her. Yet, he didn’t. It was unsurprising. Her father despised mages. Besides her actions had embarrassed him on more than one occasion. 

She couldn’t prove it. But with what she felt and her brother’s words, she knew he was the one who called the Templars.

And that was a betrayal she never expected from him. Clearly her father hated mages more than she thought. Or perhaps it was Ellana who was the problem. 

“Of course he did.” Ellana wished her voice sounded stronger and firmer but it was the opposite.

“It’ll be fine. Everything will be alright.”

Ellana wasn’t sure what his idea was with his words but all it did was to bring out the anger she was barely able to control on the inside. “What? Everything isn’t going to be fine, Aldwin. Nothing will be. Maybe for you. But not for me.”

“El-” But she didn’t give him a chance to speak. 

“They’re going to lock me up. For something, I haven’t asked for.  _ This _ ,” she looked down at her hands as if they symbolised her magic, “Is not a gift. If it were, well, why would I lose everything to it? It’s a curse. And I don’t want it.”

“That’s not true.” This time she gave him a chance to speak but he didn’t take it. Maybe he didn’t have the words. 

“I won’t have any freedom. You still have a life. I don’t.”

“Ellana.”

“I’m happy for you. I really am. I’m glad you won’t get punished for this. I’m proud of you for helping us, but when it comes to it, you don’t stand up for what you believe is right. You’re a damn coward.”

He gaped at her. Or maybe it was her words. “I just did.”

“In the moment, yes,” Ellana agreed, thinking of what happened at the farm. “But not when it really counts.”

Aldwin blinked rapidly. Then he cocked his head to the side. His expression made it always seem like she spoke in a different language. “What do you mean?”

“If you really stood up, you would go to father and tell him what you think. What you really think. But you’re too much of an ass to do that.”

This time he looked guilty. He ran his hand through his dark hair as he thought her words over. But he made no movement to do just that.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Ellana…”

She sighed. It probably showed how tired she was. She didn’t know if it was the fire or the wood that crackled in response to the heat, or her anger, but suddenly she felt that everything was too much. She needed to be alone.

But the Templars wouldn’t like it if she left her bedchambers. 

“You should talk to Marsilia. She needs you.”

Ellana wasn’t sure if she would even want to talk to him but no one knows when they’ll have the chance again.

“Alright.” There was so much tension in that one room. He knew why she suggested it. It was for purely selfish reasons. “I’ll go talk to her.”

* * *

Marsilia was in the great hall. She didn’t know why she was taken to the Trevelyan castle. The rest of the apostates who were caught at the farm weren't taken here. 

A feeling crept in, a feeling that told her it had something to do with Aldwin’s father. From what she saw she didn’t like Bayard Trevelyan very much. 

She never spoke about her family and in return, they never really talked about his. The only member of his family they talked about was Ellana, and that was only because she was training her. 

Marsilia’s feet were sore and ached. They burned from standing. As if she was walking all day. Her eyes went to the wooden table. There was nothing more she wanted to do but go and sit. 

She heard the steel of a sword when she walked towards the table. She lifted her hands in surrender at the Templar. “I’m just taking a seat.”

She narrowed her eyes, deciding if she could trust Marsilia. “No funny business, mage.”

Marsilia remembered how scared she was when the Templars dragged her away from her parents the first time. She cried out but her parents were scared of her. Her mother stood there frozen. Torn between wanting to get away from her or comfort her. Father just stood there with a stern look. 

She was eight at the time. Marsilia has never been so afraid in her life. She felt it was her fault for being caught. But it wasn't. It was an accident and unfortunately, her parents were present at the time. 

But Marsilia wasn’t the same scared little girl then she once was. She had no fear whatsoever of the Templars. That was why she felt comfortable to speak freely. 

“You know I have a name. Marsilia. What’s your name?” She knew everything about her tone was friendly. For some reason, some Templars found it strange. 

“I’m not interested in speaking, mage.”

_ Oh, she’s one of those.  _

Not all Templars were bad, though. There were some that thought the Circle should change. Those that believed mages were mistreated. They were kind to mages and helped where they could. 

It was a shame that there weren't more of them. 

Marsilia opened her mouth but the opening of the door meant she didn’t get any further words out. She didn’t know how it was possible, but the Templar guarding her stood even straighter. 

It was Aldwin, and he walked up to the Templar. He whispered something to the Templar, and she looked at Marsilia. Then she nodded and left the room. The door shut with a clang. 

Marsilia stood up from her chair. “You charm the Templars quite nicely. Care to teach me that neat trick? What’s the magic word?” She gave a mocking pause. “Oh wait. It can’t be magic otherwise you would actually be arrested.”

“Alright. You’re angry.”

“Oh really?” she said sarcastically. “What gives it away?”

“You’re always sarcastic when you’re angry. It’s one of the reasons I love you.” His hands held her shoulders but she rolled her eyes and pulled away from him.

“This isn't funny Aldwin. There are people that pay the consequences but you don’t. But that’s great, right? You’re walking free, that’s all that matters.” She crossed her arms across her chest.

It wasn’t fair. The kind couple of the farm would pay harshly for this. They didn’t even deny they helped. Why didn’t they?

What would happen to them? Their crimes according to the Chantry were too high for prison time or a fee. 

If her gut feeling was right then she was a murderer. Marsilia allowed this to happen. 

“It’s not your fault, Marsilia. You helped as many as you could.” Aldwin tried to convince her but his words only made her angrier. 

“Don’t.” She started to pace the room. When she stopped she buried her face in her hands. 

There was a silence that spread. Perhaps he knew she needed some time. Marsilia shook her head, thinking of all the countless times she asked him to run away with her, but he never wanted to. And now it was too late. “We should have left.”

His eyes fell shut as he knew what she was talking about. “We both know this wouldn’t have lasted. It was bound to end. We never would have built a life together.”

Anger and regret settled in. But she wasn’t backing down. “That’s a lie. The same one you always use to hide from the truth."

At first, Aldwin didn’t say anything. It was as if her words slapped him. “What do you expect me to do?”

She let out a small dark chuckle. “The problem isn’t what you should do. It’s too late. Aldwin, I told you time and again to run away. But you wouldn’t. At first, I thought you were afraid and I understood. But I don’t think that’s the case anymore. 

“Marsilia,” he took both of her hands and this time she allowed him. “I care about you.”

She gave him a sad smile and it was painful to say as if someone hit the air from her lungs. But it was important. “Not enough.” Then she let go of his hands and with them their love. 

Aldwin was speechless. She would pay what little coin she had to know what was going on in that head of his. But that was impossible. And she couldn’t trust him enough to believe his words. Breaking things off between them was the hardest thing she ever did. “You should go. Your family wouldn’t approve of us talking.”

She had seen many emotions in him, but never before did she see him so very sad. The sadness reached his eyes. To her, it meant he didn’t fake it. At least something about him was real. “That’s why you’re here. So we could talk.”

Marsilia gave a small nod. It made sense. “Well…” her words came out softly, watery, and unclear. She cleared her throat hoping it would help. The lump in her throat only grew. “We talked. You should go.”

Without another word he nodded and left. When the door shut her eyes closed as well. She didn’t know if she would ever see him again. And that broke her heart in more ways than she could possibly say. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/).


	6. It’s them, not you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to [ Pigeon_theoneandonly ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigeon_theoneandonly/pseuds/Pigeon_theoneandonly) for betaing. Thank you so much for all you help!!

The tears threatened to come again when her mother hugged her goodbye. It was the last thing that would need to happen before the Templars would take them away. 

The ones here would take her and Marsilia to the Ostwick Circle. 

Usually Ellana enjoyed taking trips. She got to see the most beautiful places but this trip only filled her with dread. 

When her mother pulled away she gave her a good look and touched her one shoulder. “You’ll be just fine in the Circle. They’ll take good care of you.”

Her mother’s words made it sound like she was visiting cousins. It was a lie. It was supposed to be a comfort but for her, it only made matters worse. 

Her father, the person she wanted to see least right now, approached. And pulled his wife close. “They need to get going.” His eyes never left Ellana. As if his words were meant for her. 

He might’ve well kicked her out of the estate. But that’s when she realized he already had.

She took a shuddering breath, wondering if her mother would dare say a word. 

“She’s my daughter,” she said firmly, “She deserves a proper goodbye. I probably won’t see my little girl again.”

Her father looked at the Templars, his eyes demanding for help. And they happily obliged. 

“My lady, We need to get on the road before the sun sets.” It was the Templar that probably guarded Marsilia.

Ellana and Marsilia weren't allowed to speak to each other. As if their words would be more dangerous then their magic. 

Her mother wanted to say something, but she swallowed her words. “Alright. Will you camp at night?”

“Yes m’lady,” the same Templar answered. 

“Will you be riding on horses?” her father asked. 

“Yes my lord,” this time it was the Templar that guarded Ellana. 

“Good,” he said and then his hard unyielding gaze fell on her. It was sharper than any steel. “That’s at least something she can do.”

When it was time to get on the horses, she and her father only stared at each other. Ellana wondered what he saw. Was it how much of a failure she was? Did he wish she was never born? 

Ellana had to say something.  _ Anything _ . Then perhaps she would be able to stop thinking about it. 

“I’m sorry I was never a good enough daughter.”

That sentence took everything from her and suddenly all eyes were on Ellana and Bayard Trevelyan. The seconds went by too slowly and she felt like she couldn’t breathe. 

But her father only nodded. “You belong at the Circle.”

It was the harshest thing her father could say to her. But it made her want to climb on her hoarse and get to the Circle as quickly as possible.

This would probably be the longest trip of her life.

* * *

Ellana’s body ached as she laid in the tent. From what she couldn’t be sure. She was so tired, but yet she couldn’t sleep.

The day’s events were still too fresh in her mind. Each time she wanted to say something to Marsilia the Templars stopped them. 

What possible harm could come from talking?

She and Marsilia shared a tent. Thankfully the Templars weren't in the tent as well. If the tents were big enough, one would probably guard then while they slept. 

It wasn’t a lot of privacy, but at least it was something she could work with. 

One Templar was asleep while another one kept watch. 

“Ellana.” It was barely a whisper. “Are you awake?”

Why did Marsilia talk to her? It’s not like the tent was thick enough to hide their conversation from the Templars. 

“Yes,” she answered with a whisper. “Are you?”

It was a stupid question of course. And although they had no light except for the campfire she knew she rolled her eyes. 

“How are you holding up? Things seemed rough with your family.”

_ Your family? _ She meant with her father. Any fool could see how much tension there was between them. Ellana sighed, harder than she should. 

Her father’s betrayal was hard to swallow. Ellana feared her father finding out. She thought he would disapprove of her, of course. He didn’t like mages at all. But to outright declare she was no daughter of his?

It hurt more than anything she had ever experienced in her life. She doubted anything would come close. 

“Does it matter?” This wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have with her brother’s lover. 

She heard how Marsilia shifted in her sleeping bag, “Probably not.”

At least she was honest. 

“We should go to sleep,” Ellana kept on whispering. “The Templars won’t like it if we talk.”

“You worry too much,” Marsilia said with all the confidence in the world. “Besides, the Templar keeping watch probably dozed off already.”

Ellana gaped at where she thought Marsilia lay. “How do you know that?”

“The Circle will teach you a thing or two. These Templars aren’t as clever as they pretend to be. “

She nodded, and then realized Marsilia wouldn’t be able to see it, “I’m sorry my brother is such a coward.”

The only thing that was heard was silence and she wished she could see Marsilia’s reaction. 

“I know you asked him to run away. He should’ve taken that opportunity. Now it’s too late.”

Marsilia didn’t say anything for a while, and Ellana couldn’t help but wonder if her fellow mage fell asleep. 

“I didn’t know he told you,” Marsilia finally said, “I’m surprised he did.”

“I doubt it will count as anything, but he loves you. After his wife was murdered I didn’t think he would find love again. You were good to him.”

_ Were _ . She wouldn’t pretend there was still a chance her brother and Marsilia would be able to continue this relationship. 

Ellana didn’t remember exactly how her brother was after he lost his wife. She only remembered glimpses and pieces. Everyone avoided that subject for Aldwin’s sake. And after this, her father would definitely force him to marry. 

This time it wouldn't be for love though. 

“He never talked about his late wife,” Marsilia recalled. “We avoided talking about family altogether.”

Ellana nodded as she expected it. Then she decided to change the subject. “Did you know my one sister is a Templar?”

Ellana could hear Marsilia’s sleeping back creaking in response to her sitting up. “I didn’t know.” The whisper couldn’t hide the shock in Marsilia’s voice.

Ellana smirked. That was quite ironic. “Yes. If she hears about this I wonder what she will think.”

“If?” Marsilia repeated out of curiosity. 

“I’ve only seen her a few times in my life.”

“You know,” Marsilia changed the subject, “Your and my story isn’t the same. I know you and your father had…”

“Difficulties.” Ellana said where Marsilia trailed off. It was an understatement but she sure wasn’t going into that history right now.

“Sure, difficulties. But,” she continued, “When my family found out they rejected me. I thought it was my fault. Somehow I did something wrong and the consequences of my actions was being a mage.”

The feelings that Marsilia described sounded oddly familiar. 

“It took me a long time to figure out that wasn’t the case,” Marsilia said. "What happened isn’t your fault. Being a mage is wonderful, and you shouldn’t need to hide that away.” She sighed. “None of us should.”

_ I wish I could believe you. _

“This is the last thing you might want to hear now. But magic isn’t at fault here. You did nothing wrong. It’s them, not you.”

_ It’s them?  _ The words didn’t make sense as Ellana thought them over.  _ Of course it’s me. If it wasn’t for magic I wouldn't have lost everything.  _

“It’s their reaction towards magic. That’s what needs to change. Not you. You shouldn’t need to hide a part of yourself. I don’t believe this is what the Maker would want.”

Ellana wished she could believe her. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t. 

Magic isn’t a gift. It destroys everything in its path. And Ellana badly wished she could rid herself off it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwrites.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come and say hi on [ Tumblr ](https://rpgwarrior4824.tumblr.com/).


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